Update on this trip!

Well, I had it all worked out - get a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction and be done with it. No radiation needed. But the Universe keeps talking to me and I hope I have finally heard the right words.

Dr. Ben Anderson is the first surgeon at Fred Hutch I saw after I was diagnosed in April. Because Fred Hutch is a ways away, I found a surgeon closer and she did an excellent job. But when I decided to have a mastectomy he is the one who works with the reconstructive surgeon at the UW - Dr. Anderson takes them off, the other guy puts them on. Already seen the reconstructive guy, everything is fine. Dr. Anderson is also friends with the doctor in Arizona I wanted to do partial breast radiation.

So my pre-op with Dr. Anderson was last Wednesday. I expected him to be delighted with my decision. I was wrong. He said I was trying to hit a nail with a sledgehammer by having a mastectomy. All I needed to do was whole breast radiation and take drugs and I would be fine. We can cure breast cancer, he said, we cannot cure metastatic cancer. Breast cancer is the most widely studied cancer, and there are many studies that say if I would just do the radiation I would be fine. He even pulled out how serious the surgery was and how one of his patients was in a walker for 2 months afterwards. I got his point.

That sums up the hour in a few lines. I shed a few tears, promised I would consider it. Two hours later he called me and asked if I would be interested in talking with one of his patients who had just finished radation and was doing well.  She was a lovely woman who indeed had no side effects and other than going 33 times she was fine.

So I called the oncologist who scared me away from partial breast radiation and went to see her Friday. She was thrilled to see me. I start the radiation process tomorrow. I'm going to ask her what makes the number 33 magic.

I am sad, I feel like I got beat up to the point of giving in. I just wanted to stand up for myself against the onslaught of fear that the medical community permeates every visit with.

Bu I want to feel joy at this decision.