I decided that support is a learned skill - and my family does not have it. I have four sisters and two brothers - all younger - and their response has been lacking. I received a card from one sister and a card from a niece saying her mother (another sister) told her about myhealth issues. One brother's wife called and texted a lot when I first was diagnosed, but then she quit. I think when it was apparent I was not going to go the way she wanted me to (which was no treatment at all and see her Chinese doctor) she gave up. My parents - both alive and in good health - have called sporadically. There have been issues among the siblings for our whole lives - I am only 10 years older than the youngest. My dad left my mom when she was pregnant with the youngest so I had my share of raising my siblings. I married an older man who would take care of them - and I spent my 20's and most of my 30's rescuing them. I didn't know what support was, either. I was really good at rescuing!
I have been trying to change my siblings' perception of me as the mother for at least a decade. I wanted to be treated as an equal. Unfortunately, it didn't take. My youngest sister had all five sisters to her home in Arizona almost 2 years ago that ended up a disaster. I took the brunt of the anger 3 of them still fostered toward me. I think it is easier to hate me than hate my 85 year old mother - who was not a good mother. But then I wonder how I would have been if my husband left me with 7 children under the age of 10 for another woman? Mom was 37.
Anyway, their inability to support me through this seals the deal for me. Three sisters are not happy with their lives, the two boys let their wives do the family connecting, and the one sister that is happy is busy. They all live a couple thousand miles away from me. I did call my parents and explain they needed to call me once a week. That was their job. I have no desire to call my siblings and tell them they need to call me. It opens me up again to being treated badly and I'm not going to do that ever again. I think a large part of breast cancer - any cancer - treatment is being stress-free as much as possible, and going down that road with my siblings would not be stress-free.
